Ecclesbourne Student Expected To Die After Gas Intake...

An Ecclesbourne student recently ingested multiple gases: oxygen, argon, carbon dioxide, and, according to science teachers, "other gases." Experts suggest the victim, Maxwell Gibson, will likely live to around 70–90 years old.

To make this matter even stranger, it is suspected that everyone in Ecclesbourne School—and possibly the entire world—has also ingested these gases. Experts estimate that everyone’s lifespan may not exceed 34508734985734985734985734895739485734985734985789347589734985 years.